We were cautioned from the beginning of our pregnancy not to “plan” or “buy anything;” the prospects of a good outcome were so stacked against us. We didn’t talk about names; that was being too hopeful.
By the time I checked into the hospital, at 24 weeks, we bought a baby name book and had a plan. I would cover one letter of the alphabet a day, and after the first month, we would have a list of names narrowed down. I didn’t make it through the alphabet by the time the baby was born.
After the baby was born, we were unable to see her face for almost an entire week as she was covered with a mask for photo-light therapy. Everyone kept asking what her name was. Even when the masks came off, she was so premature that her eyes were still fused shut. How do you name something that you can see, but can’t REALLY see?
We decided to let her pick her name. I quickly finished the alphabet from the book (while still on morphine from my C-section surgery, I might add). When we had a list of names, Rick and I crossed a bunch off together.
We took our narrowed-down list of names to our daughter’s bedside where we read here the names while we looking for a reaction from her. None of the names them “took.”
We brainstormed some more and put some crossed off names back on the list (this covered several days). We read them to her again, varying the order of course so as not to get a false result.
She reacted to Stacy (a name Rick had liked but one that hadn’t been one of my choices). Twice, on separate tries, she reacted positively. When we tried to fool her by tossing in some nonsense names, she would frown or make funny faces. We were sure there was no variation in our tone of voice – only the speaking of the nonsense names.
While there were a few names that she reacted to positively, Stacy is the one that repeatedly “took.” So, that was it, her name was Stacy. After all, this was the "scientific method" of choosing her name!
Now for a middle name. I really liked Renee’. Rick wasn’t so keen on it, but Stacy wasn’t my favorite either. Somehow though, Stacy Renee’ worked for me.
It was almost settled. But what did those names mean? Back to the baby book. Stacy – Rick’s choice, is Greek for resurrection. Renee’, my choice, is French for to be born again. It was meant to be. Given her journey to get here, these names fit like a glove. I also loved the fact that we each liked a name that meant the same thing. It is indicative of how we are. We come from two different backgrounds, approach things two distinct ways, but seem to end up in the same spot. It happened again.
Kathryn Josephine Spurlin
When we found out that one of the babies had an uncorrectable heart defect and would die shortly after birth, we went home to grieve. Still in shock and in what seemed like unbearable pain, something was crystal-clear to me. I called to Rick and said that if she doesn’t live, I would like to name her Kathryn Josephine, after two of our grandmothers. I don’t know why this came so easily. It just needed to be.
Grandmas Kay and Jo
Kathryn was Rick’s grandmother on his father’s side. She was married to her husband for almost 63 years when she passed away. She was a vibrant woman full of intelligence, zest, laughter, opinions, and a sense of humor. She has been dearly missed since 1995.
Josephine was Elisa’s grandmother on her mother’s side. She was never known as grandma, simply as “mom” to Elisa or mama Jo to later grandchildren. I have tried to write in a short space who mom was for those who did not know her. I have found it impossible. I am not a good enough writer to convey the depth of my respect and love for her.
Mom is responsible for a great deal of who I am today, how I think, the choices I make, the way I live and want to live my life. I don’t even want to consider what I would be like without all the after schools I spent at her house and the church activities we did together as a family. Her sudden death in 1989 was the hardest blow I have faced yet in my life. They say time dulls the pain, but 15 years later I cry in an instant when I think of her. I miss her immensely.
Through the horrible lows of our pregnancy, I found myself talking with her for comfort. I know she was listening and there beside me, just like I know she is now beside Katy Jo.