A Letter to Dad

 

"A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was  nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped  up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Dad".

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
 

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope  with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you.  I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice-even with all  her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not  only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very  happy.

Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of  firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now  one of my dreams too.

Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure  for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

 

Your son, John

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house.  I  just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you!

Call when it is safe for me to come home.